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VLM Coaching's Founder is One of the Top 15 Coaches in Washington, DC

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 21:16:27 GMT

Another Award Won

Veronica L Matthews, VLM Coaching & Consulting Services' founder is proud to announce that she has been selected as one of the Top 15 Coaches in Washington, D.C. for 2025!

She is absolutely thrilled and deeply grateful to share that she has been recognized by Influence Digest Media as one of the Top 15 Coaches in Washington, D.C. for 2025! This incredible honor is truly humbling, and she is filled with immense joy to see the impact of the work she is so passionate about acknowledged in this way. Getting to partner with driven and ambitious leaders every day is a privilege she never takes for granted. Witnessing their dedication and growth is the fuel that drives her, and she is so thankful for the trust each client places in her and the coaching process.

For Veronica, coaching is more than just support; it's about facilitating a profound transformation that empowers already successful individuals to reach even greater heights. Her approach is centered on unlocking potential, challenging limitations, and providing the strategic insights and support necessary to navigate complex leadership landscapes. It's incredibly rewarding to see her clients gain greater clarity, confidence, and impact as they evolve from great leaders to truly exceptional ones. This recognition from Influence Digest Media validates the effectiveness of this approach and inspires her to continue serving leaders with even greater dedication and commitment.

Ultimately, she shares this achievement with the courageous leaders she has had the honor of working with. Their willingness to embrace growth, challenge themselves, and strive for excellence is what makes this work so meaningful.

Thank you to Influence Digest Media for this wonderful recognition, and most importantly, thank you to my incredible clients for allowing her to be a part of your journey. She is more inspired than ever to continue supporting your growth and helping you achieve even greater success in the years to come.

Leaders Navigating Change with Confidence: Emotional Intelligence at Work

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 18:02:44 GMT

EQ Helps Leaders Navigate Change

The adage says, “The only constant is change.” That adage has never been more apt than in our current situation in 2025. New influences have been introduced to the workplace landscape in addition to the challenges we were already grappling with. Changes in labor policies triggered by the new presidential administration, rethinking approaches to diversity, equity, and inclusion, as well as the increasing mainstream adoption of workplace technology such as Artificial Intelligence (AI), are bridging the generational divide in the workplace and driving the continued evolution of the hybrid work model. Leaders are tasked with navigating these challenges and changes on the front lines in real time, with little room for error.

Leaders navigate their responses to change and are faced with championing and leading their teams through change. Effective leaders find a way to transform uncertainty into a shared journey of growth, creating environments where innovation and resilience thrive.

How exactly do leaders navigate change with confidence? Just like confidence is an inside job, so is developing the skills needed to navigate these and other challenging times with Emotional Intelligence (EQ). EQ is the cornerstone of resilient leadership in times of change. EQ empowers leaders to understand themselves and their teams more effectively, fostering a culture that confidently embraces change.

Here are five actionable tips to help you harness your emotional intelligence (EQ) to lead effectively during periods of change and transition.

Cultivate Self-Awareness

Take a reflective look at your emotional response to the changes before you. Use the Feelings Wheel to identify your current emotions. Utilize tools such as a brain dump, journaling, mindfulness meditation, and external feedback from others to help you assess your responses and triggers, ensuring that your feelings and emotions aren’t adversely reflected in your decision-making and leadership approach. In times of rapid change, making time for regular self-assessments helps you more easily recognize your feelings, regulate your responses, and remain more adaptable in the face of unexpected change. Your self-awareness practice will help you notice emotional responses within your team members and support them in navigating and processing their reactions and potential resistance to change.

Foster Open Communication

Transparent and empathetic communication builds trust and reduces anxiety among your team. Share your insights about why changes are occurring – whether due to evolving customer demands, technological disruption, or geopolitical events that impact the business landscape. This can set the stage for more inclusive dialogue. Create spaces for open communication where team members feel safe voicing concerns and suggesting ideas. Active listening and regular feedback loops are essential. These practices ease the tension and spark creative solutions to navigate uncertain times. Listening actively to your team’s concerns can uncover innovative solutions and provide sufficient support structures to help the team navigate the change as a unit.

Develop a Change-Positive Mindset

Shift your perspective on change by viewing the challenges as opportunities, not threats. Support your team members in doing the same. Change fatigue is a real thing. The pace and frequency of change can threaten the stability of structures and systems. However, when you and your team view these challenges as opportunities to grow and innovate, the mind faces less resistance to change, making it easier to navigate the change. A change-positive mindset encourages continuous learning and growth, making it easier to pivot when faced with new challenges. By fostering an environment where mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities, you can inspire your team to take calculated risks and drive innovation. Leaders who consistently model optimism and resilience set a tone that can transform a potentially disruptive situation into a stepping stone for progress.

Empower Your Team Through Emotional Support

Recognize that your team may be experiencing a mix of emotions during change. A supportive environment is crucial for maintaining high morale and productivity. Proactively offering emotional support through regular one-to-one check-ins, team meetings, and informal coaching sessions can help your team members build resilience. You will strengthen individual performance and foster collective stability by encouraging a culture where employees can openly discuss their feelings and challenges. Over time, this approach will nurture a robust support system that can withstand even the most disruptive change.

Maintain a Clear Vision

A clear, intentional vision is essential for rallying your team during turbulent times. When the external or internal environment is unpredictable, communicating a well-defined mission and set of goals can provide a steady anchor for your team. Ensure that your vision is not just a statement but a guide that connects daily actions to long-term objectives. This clarity helps your team members understand how their roles contribute to the team and broader organizational success, fostering a sense of ownership and commitment. This clear vision will also serve as a guiding principle to help you maintain momentum throughout the life of the change process.

Beyond immediate tips and strategies, investing in your EQ skills will help cultivate your long-term leadership success. Leaders who develop and operate with high EQ are better positioned to anticipate changes, adapt to emerging trends, and inspire team loyalty. Whether through ongoing professional development, coaching sessions, or collaborative workshops, sharpening your EQ saw is a strategic investment that pays dividends in organizational culture and performance. By prioritizing EQ, you enhance your ability to lead through current changes and build a legacy of sustainable leadership that can evolve with future challenges.

On the surface, these tips may seem simple to implement, but how will you make them your own, remain consistent, and hold yourself accountable? If you are seeking to tailor these recommendations to your unique leadership challenges, I invite you to schedule a complimentary, confidential coaching session with me. Let’s explore how you can leverage EQ to navigate change effectively and foster a thriving, resilient culture within your team and organization. Use this link to book the session.

Embrace change with confidence, knowing you are equipped with the tools to navigate uncertainty effectively. By focusing on developing EQ, you can transform challenges into opportunities for growth, innovation, and lasting success.

Schedule a call using this link .

4 Ways to Reduce Your Fear of Uncomfortable Feedback Conversations

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 21:28:31 GMT

Feedback conversations don't have to be hard.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable delivering feedback to someone else? Part of the reason is that you are making it about you, when your focus should be on the person you want to help and provide the feedback to. Here's a blog post I wrote for Fringe Professional Development (FringePD).

Sweaty palms, dry mouth, temples pulsing, fast beating heart. No, that isn’t you perched on the platform preparing to zipline; that’s you thinking about giving feedback to someone on your team. If dread or nervousness is your typical response when you think of having to give developmental feedback, don’t worry, you aren’t alone.

There are various reasons managers would rather zipline over the Atlantic Ocean than give feedback, including not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, not knowing how to provide effective feedback, fear of demotivating employees, and not knowing how the person will respond. According to a Chief Executive article, Why Leaders Avoid Giving Feedback , leaders especially fear feedback conversations because they don’t want to damage their working relationship with the other person. Whatever the reason, what do all of these justifications have in common? You! The feedback giver. Your fears, anxieties, and assumptions lie at the root of your not feeling more comfortable giving feedback. But the good news is you don’t really belong in the equation at all. The more you can shift from being you-focused to focusing on the person receiving the feedback, the more at ease you’ll be with giving feedback (even the most constructive).

Why Do We Care So Much About Feedback?

Feedback is information about a person’s performance. Feedback can be positive and negative and simply tells a person what behaviors they should start doing, what they should stop doing, and what they should continue to do. Without getting feedback on all three of these dimensions, your team members’ professional growth is stunted. Quite naturally, we engage in behaviors we think will help us succeed. But we don’t know what we don’t know. We need others, our supervisors, our peers, and those who report to us, to give us their perspective on our behavior to learn what behaviors will help us succeed and do so effectively and efficiently.

While you may be the person observing (and being impacted by) the behavior and giving the feedback, it’s not about you when it comes to delivering the feedback. Feedback is a gift to the recipient, designed to help their growth. They are the star of this conversation, not you.

But feedback conversations can be very vulnerable. Giving and receiving feedback can make even the toughest professional feel uneasy. Feedback conversations may generate feelings of discomfort. If these feelings prevent you from delivering feedback, you’re letting your comfort hinder someone else’s professional growth. And how fair is that? If you find yourself in this space, here are four ways to reduce your fear of uncomfortable feedback conversations.

Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes

While we all know about the Golden Rule – treat others as you want to be treated – by now, we’ve hopefully all up-leveled to the Platinum Rule – treat others the way that they want to be treated. Applying the Platinum Rule in feedback conversations will go a long way toward making both the feedback giver and receiver more comfortable. For example, if you know that the receiver isn’t much of a morning person and isn’t entirely on top of their game until 11 AM, don’t schedule a tough feedback conversation for the first thing in the morning.

But what if you don’t know that much about the other person? Maybe you’ve only worked with them for a limited time and haven’t had the opportunity to observe them in different situations or learn much about them. In that case, we’ll allow falling back on the Golden Rule. More than likely, in a feedback conversation, you would want to be treated with respect and compassion in an honest and cordial manner. For most of us, receiving feedback makes us feel very vulnerable , so the need to treat others with care goes up exponentially when giving feedback. When you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, your compassion, empathy, and good intentions will lead the conversation.

And don’t forget your intention. Your intent in giving the feedback is to help them grow, so keep focused on how they can use this feedback to improve and succeed. The more you think of the other person, the less you will think about yourself and the less discomfort you will have around the conversation.

Ask Some Questions

Now that you’re clear with your intention to help the other person improve, what do you want to share with them? Preparing for the conversation. What aspects of the person’s performance are going well? What are the behaviors that are contributing to their success? What behaviors should the person stop doing to be more effective? What behaviors can the person start doing that will help them get to the next level of performance? What are things that the person doesn’t know that you have observed that hurt their performance? What are the examples that you can bring up to support the information that you plan to share? What is the impact of the behavior on the team, client, or the organization and why does the behavior matter? Write some talking points to use as a guide for the conversation. How might the recipient react? How will you respond? Thinking through navigating objections or worst-case scenarios will build your confidence and help you communicate more effectively in the moment.

Plan and Practice

Feedback conversations are too often had off-the-cuff and with minimal preparation. If giving feedback tends to cause you anxiety, you might spend more time stewing in your downward spiral of emotion than preparing for the actual conversation. One way to pull yourself out of that emotional storm is to turn on the more analytical part of your brain by planning the feedback conversation. This has the dual benefit of calming your anxiety and ensuring that the feedback recipient is getting the most thorough and accurate information you have.

Be clear with yourself about the message that you want to communicate. Ask yourself questions to help you hone in on the key behaviors you want the person to start doing, keep doing, or stop doing. What examples can you point to of the particular behavior? What is the impact of the behavior on the team, client, or organization? And why is shifting or continuing this behavior necessary? Write some talking points to use as a guide for the conversation.

Remember that this is a conversation, not a monologue. Think through how the recipient might respond. Might they have any objections or defenses? How will you navigate those? Thinking through navigating objections or worst-case scenarios will both build your confidence and help you communicate more effectively in the moment.

Then, role-play! This thought may be cringe-inducing, but practicing having a conversation with someone else beforehand will supercharge your preparation. You will be more comfortable if, during the feedback, the conversation isn’t the first time you’re speaking the words aloud. During your role-play, resist the urge to expound, deviate far from your talking points, or go off script. This could lead to rambling and confusion. Practice saying a point, stopping to listen for a response, and asking follow-up questions—preparation and practice help reduce your fear of having an uncomfortable feedback conversation.

Hold the conversation

Breathe, stretch, and relax as best you can before you have the conversation. Put time on the calendar so that the conversation is scheduled, not impromptu, so that you can have a private space to meet, minimizing distractions and interruptions, and so that the other person is emotionally prepared to receive some feedback.

Even though you’ve prepared your talking points, don’t jump right in. Ask the other person some questions first. Ask what they think they’ve been doing well and what they could improve. By letting the recipient lead, you’re both demonstrating that you care about their opinion and taking some of the pressure off yourself. Their answers should align with your message. And if not, well, now you have more information about their perspective that will help you have a more productive conversation.

Once you’ve communicated your feedback, ask some more questions. Ask what their takeaways are from your feedback, actively listen to what they say, and reflect back and or clarify what you hear. You may not have practiced every potential response the person can have, and that’s OK, remain composed and take a curious posture, resisting getting defensive or adversarial. Stick to your points, be clear, and set agreements around the action the person will take to improve. Remember to be kind, respectful, and empathetic. Be sure that at the end of the conversation, both you and the recipient agree on the message and next steps, and have the recipient memorialize that in email so that you know where you’re starting from next time.

Giving feedback can be awkward and uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember that feedback is just information – critical information that the other person needs to develop. Center the other person and take the focus off of yourself and your feelings. By following the four steps above, you can be sure that your next feedback conversation will be effective and a bit more pleasant for you.

VLM Coaching Named 2022 Top Leadership Development/Coaching Company

Mon, 01 May 2023 16:36:36 GMT

VLM Coaching Named Among Top 20 Leadership Development/Coaching Firms in 2022 by ManageHR Magazine

We are very pleased to announce that VLM Coaching & Consulting Services, LLC was named as one of the Top 20 Leadership Development/Coaching Firms in 2022 by ManageHR Magazine. Click here to read the article: VLM Coaching and Consulting Services - Leadership Development Solutions/Service Company (managehrmagazine.com)

This is an esteemed pleasure to receive such recognition!

We are proud of the work we do in transforming organizational cultures and creating effective leaders through training and coaching at the individual and group level! It is wonderful to see that our impact has been recognized.

Looking forward to more accolades and achievements in 2023 and beyond!

New Book Release!! Qualified to Reign

Sat, 11 Jan 2020 01:36:42 GMT

I am a Featured Author in the Qualified to Reign, Memoirs of a Resilient Queen anthology. This book is a collection of powerful stories written to show you how to intentionally build a relationship with God, pick up your crowns and boldly pursue your purpose. After reading this inspirational guide, you will learn how to:

Allow God to heal your spirit and shift your mindset
Forgive yourself and others who tried to shift your crown
Confidentially show up in the world as the person you were born to be.

I am one of eight women who shares my story of determination, faith in God and resilience that pushed me from rock bottom into my God-assigned purpose. Filled with life-changing narratives and faith-based strategies, you can expect to learn how, you too, can bounce back from defeat, become resilient and lead a life that puts a smile on Gods face.

My launch team was surprised at how vulnerable I was and how much I share of myself in my chapter. For the most part, I consider myself an open book. As I was preparing to teach a bible study one day, I was reluctant to say something because I didn't want people all in my business. I distinctly heard in my spirit, "You ain't got no business!" I took that to mean, that my life is a testimony of God's goodness, grace and mercy and I am compelled to share the good and the bad because it all works together for my good.

Here is an excerpt from my chapter

The first time my mother didn’t recognize me, my heart sank, and I knew I had lost her. Although her body, her smile, and her loving eyes would remain on this earth for 6 more years, her mind and the mother I knew, no longer existed. Dementia would ravage her mind and diabetes would ravage her body making every day near torture for her. Dare I say all of my family as we all had some part to play in caring for her. Selfishly, I didn’t want to let her go, so I prayed to God for her healing. So much so that one Sunday in church during alter prayer, my Pastor called me out and anointed my hands and told me to go straight to my mom to lay hands and pray over her. I did that, but nothing happened. I understood I had to have the faith that she would be healed and even she had to have the faith that she would be healed, and I believed we did, but still there were no significant improvements… no lasting healing. Eventually, her health and mental faculties continued to decline, and my heart continued to break… slowly, until she passed on February 20, 2015, just two days after I started a new job. The timing couldn’t have been worse. When all I wanted to do was curl up into a little ball and cry, I couldn’t. Or I didn’t believe I could. I had to hold it together, work, help with the arrangements and deal with the family drama that would come to the surface with my mother’s passing. So, I avoided being with my feelings of grief, loss, loneliness, longing to talk to, hug, be with my mother.

Hindsight being 20/20, this was not the first time I recall avoiding and stuffing my feelings or listening to the voice inside. The first time was when I was 9 and ...

If you are ready to finish reading my chapter in e-book, the entire e-book or receive an autographed copy of the paperback version, please click the Buy Now button below and get ready to cry, be blessed, be encouraged and mostly learn various strategies of how you can face life's challenges head on and live a victorious life!

Thank you for your support. I'd love to hear your feedback! After reading, come back here to comment. God bless!

How to Shift from Auto Pilot to Intentional Living

Wed, 31 Jan 2018 01:42:40 GMT

Are you leading your life or is life leading you?

Remember that donut commercial from back in the day? A man dragging himself in and out of the house as he repeated the mantra that reminded him of his mission. (Click here to view if you’re not familiar.)I had my own mantra, but I was missing the mission. The alarm went off and I’d hit the snooze button – once, maybe twice or seven times. I’d begrudgingly roll out of bed and into the bathroom for my morning routine and tell myself it would be a great day. I’d commute to work; arrive at work; work; daydream a bit; work some more, watch the clock along the way and leave. Commute home; eat; relax a little; stay up way too late and get ready for bed. Sleep, then the routine starts all over again. Day, after day, after day. I was on auto pilot, just going through the motions of life. Not much variety, not much living, only really responding to circumstances. Yes, there were some happy moments where I got to enjoy spending time with my family and friends, a nice dinner out or a movie, read a good book or take a relaxing trip. Those were nice, temporary indulgences, fleeting moments; but no lasting joy, no commitment to drive me or hold my interest, beyond paying the bills. So, I would ask myself, Is this all there is to life? Did I earn a degree and these certifications and earn a decent salary for this? What is this - living life, or as much as I permitted myself to live, in between the circumstances and crises? In my quest for passion and purpose, I discovered there is another way to be – Intentional Living.

Intentional living is when you do what you do with and on purpose. There’s a purpose, drive and intention for everything. The first thing I learned was that there is no ‘there’ – there’s no finish line, there’s no arrival. If life is lived with conviction and purpose there is constant movement, re-invention and transformation; therefore, you are consistently growing, changing, and evolving. That doesn’t mean there is no contentment, peace or happiness. It just means that you are living to be a higher version of yesterday’s you. When I awakened to the fact that I had been living my life on auto pilot, I determined I wanted better for my life and I declared that I would live intentionally and not let life lead me around. I declared I would lead my life in a spirt-led, purposeful way, being intentional about how I moved through and showed up in life.

How to make the shift yourself

Be self-aware and practice good self-care .

It appears that most of my articles touch on at least one, if not, both factors. Forgive me if I am starting to sound like a broken record; however, I am convinced both are critical, not only to intentional living, but also, to a peaceful life in general. When you know who you are, how you show up in the world, what sources you so that you remain as full as possible to serve others, your foundation for intentional living has been established. Whenever, you feel yourself veering off course, you can 9 times out of 10, look to your self-care (or lack thereof) and identify what adjustments could be made to course correct. Has your planning and preparation time fallen by the wayside, are you eating healthily, hydrating enough, getting sunshine and exercise, praying, meditating, and in general, doing things that make you smile and bring you joy? If not, once you adjust what’s out of alignment, your foundation is secured again, and you can get back on the journey to purposeful living.

Know Your Why, Create a Vision and Pursue It

Like the question of is this all there is; for what are we working every day? What is your why in service of – what is the bigger picture and your why for leaving the comforts of your residence every day to go to work? When you know your purpose, then create a vision of what it looks like with you fulfilling that purpose. Identify what accomplishments, feelings, sensations and energy are you present to in this vision. Give definition to your why for pursuing the vision and within that vision, create smaller milestones along the journey of fulfillment. If you haven’t yet uncovered your purpose, defined your vision and set your smaller milestones, take some time to sit with it and consider getting support to help you find the answers.

Plan and Prepare

This covers so many areas including your daily routines and setting priorities for the day, week, month, quarter and year. It’s been said, a dream without a plan is just a wish. Take some time and figure out what your goals and dreams are. What is the thing, if you achieved it, would push your life forward in an amazing way and allow you to be complete? What would you do for others, in service, that would bring you joy and contentment? When you figure out the big picture, then you have a purpose and vision for your life. Then you can plan out what to do daily, weekly, monthly, etc., that will fulfill on those goals and be intentional about the outcome you desire. Trust me, I’ve gone through life wishing each day would turn out to be a great day, but when I started planning and preparing for the day, week, month, etc., I saw how being intentional about the big things in life, helped the small things turn out better through small actions. When you know your big why, your actions, thoughts and the words you speak are in integrity and aligned with the ultimate goals and plans for your life and you are seeing your dreams come to pass by following through on those smaller daily commitments.

Get support and accountability

We were not meant to live our lives in seclusion. I learned the difference between being private and not reaching out for support because I was judging myself or afraid of what someone would think about me for asking for support. Once I came to realize that the people that genuinely love me, want the best for me and are willing to help me in any way they possibly can, I was able to release myself from my self-judgement of appearing weak. Support can show up in many ways, from simply sharing with a close friend what you have declared or intend to do so that they can help hold you accountable, to seeking a therapist for the more serious matters of healing, and a plethora of ways in between these two spectrums. Identify what support you want and from whom you want it and ask. Making a request for support is not as hard as we make it up in our minds that it will be. When you relax into the idea of not living your life on an ‘island of one’ and invite people into your life to love and support you, you’d be surprised at how through that, you are ultimately, loving and supporting yourself to live with purpose and intention. Typically, support is a two-way street, as you receive support from others, you quite naturally reciprocate by supporting others. It could show up as immediately reciprocal to those that support you or it could be through a circle of support. That leads me to the next point of giving to live a life of purpose.

Give and Serve

Auto pilot oftentimes has us living an internal life, focusing on how the circumstances of life and daily living are impacting us as individuals and our immediate family. Auto pilot tends to keep us in a box, inside our own comfort zone doing what matters to us and concerns those closest to us. Giving of ourselves and serving others, however, takes the attention off us, gets us out of our head and puts us in a space of concern, care and responsibility for others and their needs. Whether it’s volunteering at a food pantry, taking a neighbor to the doctor, assisting with the youth ministry, or keeping company with the residents of a nursing home, when you give and serve with no expectation of anything in return, you’re living intentionally and with purpose – the purpose to give of yourself and to be used for a higher good. Figure out an area of service that is in line with your purpose and larger vision, so your actions are in service of you, your purpose and others simultaneously.

When you awaken to the realization that you have been living life on auto pilot and want to take control of the wheel yourself, developing practices that will lead you closer to intentional living is where to begin. Imagine what your life would be like if you practiced Intentional Living and declare from there how your life will be different and fulfill. It starts with the choice. From choice, learn who you are and how to fill your cup. Then learn your purpose and how you were intended to bless the universe. Armed with knowledge of self, self-care and your purpose, you can then plan your days and set small milestones that fulfill on your larger goals. Then, by giving back and serving others, you are also being intentional and will find yourself more fulfilled. Hear me when I say, auto pilot is not wrong and intentional living is not right; I would like to point out that there is a choice. You get to choose. If you’d like to live with a routine that provides comfort and accomplishment for you; do just that if it serves your best interests. If you like to find ways to infuse joy and purpose into your life; that too is fine, if it serves you. Whichever way you choose to be and do; be and do that on your own terms. One final note, intentional living is a journey and a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. Life could possibly get in the way to throw you off course. Be patient with yourself, show compassion for yourself and don’t be afraid to experiment until you find what works for you. If you’d like support around shifting your way of being and doing, there’s a Coach out there available to support you. I happen to know quite a few fantastic Coaches and can make a referral for you.

Does Purpose Really Matter? 4 Ways to Find Yours

Fri, 12 Jan 2018 01:47:34 GMT

People over the centuries have questioned and debated the subject of purpose. What is it? Is there really such a thing as purpose? Why does it matter in the first place?

Webster’s Dictionary defines purpose as the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc. There are more than 64,000 books on the topic of purpose and Rick Warren, alone, has written 8 of them. For one person to write 8 books on the topic of purpose, it must be a real thing and it must mean something, right? Judging from Webster’s definition and the sheer number books available on the topic, it would be hard to defend that purpose does not matter. Additionally, biblically speaking, we were created for a purpose and plan. Perhaps, I believe that purpose matters because I have discovered mine and know what a difference it has made in my life since I have come to know my purpose and pursue it. So, for argument’s sake, let’s just say that purpose does matter.

So, since it matters, what is the harm in not discovering and pursuing your purpose?

If purpose is the reason for your existence and you don’t discover your purpose, what are you doing? Not to throw shade or be a Debbie Downer, if you don’t know the reason(s) you were sent to the earth, the things you were created to do and be, then I would say you are proceeding through life much like I was – being led around aimlessly by the nose from one shiny object to the next, from one fad to the next, unfulfilled and searching for ‘the next’. Maybe you are content with not knowing your purpose and if you are; I respect that. No harm, no foul; I, on the other hand am a little too nosey not to be curious. If you're curious too and want to discover your purpose, here are 4 steps you can take to find your purpose and greater self-awareness in the process.

Ask What Is My Purpose?

It seems so simple and yes, it is easy to ask Spirit or the universe, “What is my purpose; why am I here?” The challenge is in waiting patiently until the answer is revealed or discovered. According to the Law of Attraction and biblical principles, if you ask in faith believing that you will receive your answer, you will receive it. The timing of when the answer manifests will vary. People that have more practice and facility with the Law of Attraction can manifest an answer rather quickly; while for others it could take longer. I believe, a byproduct of seeking and developing a relationship with God is the revelation of purpose. When you seek God with a pure heart, He responds with His presence which brings answers, clarity, and revelation of purpose, along with peace, joy and so many other blessings.

Use Your Passions

Doing work using your passions while you wait for the answer to your purpose will help the time pass sooner than if you were to wait without intention. Typically, when you are doing what you love, you never work a day in your life. What would you do for free; what causes resonate with you; what do you do that brings you joy and lights a fire within you? Whatever it is, do those things. You’ll find peace, fulfillment, and joy and forget all about the answer you are waiting on. If you are filling the waiting time with doing things you love – dancing, singing, acting, writing, cooking, etc., through your service, it is quite possible your answer could be revealed to you and you may just learn more about yourself while you’re at it.

Take a Personal Inventory

Completing a strengths or skills assessment such as Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath or the S.H.A.P.E.(Spiritual Gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality and Experience assessment created by Rick Warren will help you identify your strengths and what you do well. Your purpose may naturally fall somewhere at the intersection of what you like and what you do well. Another method of taking an inventory is to solicit input from others. Since we are our own worst critic, oftentimes, others can see us better than we can see ourselves. We have the tendency to downplay our strengths, hide what we love out of fear of what others may think, or simply are so caught up in our heads, that we forget to sometimes look at life through our hearts. Those we love and trust can see what you do best; how you make them feel when you are in your full power; what are your strengths and what they can see you doing. This doesn’t mean that you then must live out what they see for you; it just means that you have more information to be with, meditate on, think about and pray on for confirmation.

Trust Your Heart

The heart is a powerful organ. It maintains life and connects us to our true selves. It holds many answers and desires and when we allow ourselves to be led by our hearts, we typically find a path worth traveling. Our natural instinct to be, to desire and to do things is often driven from a pure place in our heart and the inner pit of our being. This is where our passions and in most cases the answer of, “what is my purpose?” is driven from. While the bible says the heart can be deceitful and wicked; it also says, out of it flows the issues of life. I would assert that a heart connected to and led by spirit will reveal and lead to purpose. What is your heart telling you to be, do, take on or go after? Be and do those things and you will most likely uncover your purpose.

In a debate of whether purpose matters, I would defend the side that purpose does matter. Whether you believe that you have one purpose in life or many purposes that grow, change and evolve as you do; purpose is the reason for our existence. What matters more than happiness is the contentment that comes from living a life on and with purpose. If you don’t know what your purpose is yet, don’t fret, you can still figure it out and you don’t have to do it alone. You can ask of God what your purpose is; you can follow your passions until your purpose is clear; you can take a strengths or skills assessment and/or ask for input from others, and you can follow your heart when it is connected to and led by your spirit. Any of these ways (and possibly many more) can lead you to your purpose. Once you know your purpose; boldly, bravely and passionately live it.

One of my favorite quotes from Robert Byrne speaks to the purpose debate with this answer, “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”

4 Ways to Tame Your Inner Critic

Wed, 03 Jan 2018 01:54:13 GMT

We’ve all heard the adage, talking to yourself is fine as long as you don’t answer back. Well that’s all fine and dandy, until your Inner Critic tries to run your life and deserves a response. (Please Note: I named my Inner Critic Natalie, not to offend anyone that shares the name, butbecause it coincidentally begins with the letter N. To all my real Natalie’s out there, it’s nothing personal.) Case in point, meet Natalie, she’s the dis-empowering voice inside my head that speaks when I am learning something new; excited about a new venture or project or attempting something transformative and positive in my life. Her voice speaks to tell me, as if I don’t already know, all the fears that exist inside my head – don’t call those people, you’ll be bothering them, and they will say no anyway; who wants to hear what you have to say; that’s a big, hairy audacious goal –you can’t achieve that, how are you going to pay your bills with no money and no clients! Not long ago, Natalie was on loud speaker and running that negative rhetoric on repeat. I was being bombarded with so much: full-time job ending unexpectedly one year ahead of my planned exit strategy, the opportunity to build my Coaching practice full-time, developing short and long-term plans for the business, while still paying the bills and keeping a roof over my head. Natalie was talking, and I was listening, too well I may add; however, in this instance Natalie needed a response. I had to prove the adage wrong and answer Natalie back and shut her down!

Taming Your Inner Critic

Practice good Self-Care

Here comes another adage – you can’t pour from an empty cup. I was excited about the opportunity to be full-time Coach and at the same time I was petrified. I was getting up each day thinking about the laundry list of things I had to DO to fill my pipeline and build my business. However, I was not taking care of me; I was not sourcing my mind and spirit; I was not being with what was so. I was not sourced and because I was not sourced with a full cup, positive and empowered; I was being beaten up by the throws of everyday life. All I could hear was Natalie’s negativity because I was not sourced, my cup was not full. I had no energy to fight against her and the world I was approaching as a new entrepreneur. I created a Self-Care plan that incorporated prayer, meditation and reading my vision and mission for my Coaching practice. The prayer, meditation and visualization in tandem worked to build my spirit and esteem, and remind me that my doing is not as important as my being to generate and create what it is I really want. When my mindset is positive, the negative talk does not sound so loud.

Plan and prepare

Natalie has a very bad habit of showing up unannounced. I expect her to show up when there is a set-back or disappointment, but she also interestingly enough, shows up when there’s a potential win too. Right after the client calls with second thoughts about proceeding with Coaching, here comes Natalie; when I follow-up with a contact from a networking event and hear crickets, you guessed it, here comes Natalie; and even when I get the green light to have a discovery session with a potential client, yes, Natalie again! Just to be sure I don’t get my hopes up too high and prove her wrong at something. See, she had been telling me stories nearly all my life and when I looked at the circumstances around me, I was able to see evidence of her being right. However, I had to learn to beat her at her own game. I made a journal of my accomplishments, wins, successes, achievements, skills, strengths, etc. – as much as I could think of that was positive about who I am and what I had done in life. I even wrote down additional affirmations of who I am in Christ. This was new evidence I could use to disprove the story Natalie was telling me. The list of my accomplishments and affirmations served as ammunition in my arsenal for when Natalie popped up and particularly when she pulled out the big guns. I also incorporated this into my morning routine of prayer and meditations to front-load my spirit with positive information to keep Natalie at bay.

Talk Back

Yes, I had to break the rule. Not answering the voice inside my head was OK when she told me to go back downstairs when I could not remember what I went upstairs for. However, I was dealing with Natalie who was no friend inside my head, but was the inner bully that was trying to intimidate me into giving up on my purpose and destiny. So, all bets were off, and the rules could be broken; after all, she broke them all the time! No need to fight fair with someone who tries to kick me when I’m down. I had to talk back to Natalie with force, confidence and rebellion. When she popped up with a criticism and evidence after a disappointment; I reminded her about a past accomplishment. When she came for me after a set-back; I told her my strengths that reassured us both that I was properly skilled and when she told me I could not achieve my goal; I defiantly shut her down with my achievements and affirmations that told her that my God had done it before and could do it again. Even though I front-loaded positive thoughts in the morning, of course Natalie tried to see how well they worked. She learned that process worked well. Ha Natalie, take that!

Ignore It

Finally, going on the offense and preparing to step up and face Natalie, I was beginning to wear her down. Her voice was growing less and less loud. Soon I was able to simply ignore her. Ignoring her meant sometimes correcting her lies with the truth before telling her to get lost; other times, it meant simply breathing, getting back to being and moving on without even acknowledging her presence. Let me tell you, it feels so good when that happens. I feel empowered in self and spirit and not run by my inner critic that wants to keep me small and inside of my comfort zone. My goals, dreams, destiny and purpose are too powerful to play inside my comfort zone. I must step outside and expand my comfort zone. Now that’s another topic.

We all have an inner critic, a voice that speaks up when you are following your dreams; playing in the land of possibility, outside of your comfort zone; or even doing something simple, but new. Whether you name your Inner Critic Fido or something more sinister, the truth of the matter is that Inner Critic is not going away. Sometimes the voice will speak softly in the shadows, at other times loud and clear, and even sometimes so loud you will think the world can hear it. However, the voice does not have to run your life; you can take control over your Inner Critic. When you practice self-care; take note of your strengths, accomplishments and skills; talk back and finally ignore the inner critic, you are positioned to move forward in your life with the confidence and assurance needed to feel the fear and still take the necessary steps in the direction of your future and destiny.